Dreaming of You

Wow! Its been a while since I have last written. Some things have changed - but nothing too drastic. I have moved to a new apt. I am happy because I feel like I have more room now :) Its shared space though so I can't do as I please. As for the new look - boy do I feel great! I cant tell you how much of a confidence boster its been. I feel like I am back. I view my body differently. I look great in everything! I went to a friends party...and he came up to me and said that a few of his male friends were asking about me. The same week I went to this club - and boy! did I get a lot of attention!! I felt like it was all eyes on me! I am not self-couscious about my weight anymore....I feel sexy as hell and I walk it! I am back to staring at the mirror, changing into different outfits...and just going out to let people see how gorgeous I am lol. I kno I kno - but thats just how I feel. So I guess Ive had a lot of internal changes...but I am still s-i-n-g-l-e. Yes, I still think about Arnie. He was sick and I called to see how he was doing...he talked about it for a little bit, but that was it - havent seen him in a couple of weeks. I had 2 dreams about him - in a row. The first one, we were talking, and he said he didnt know how long his relationship was going to last. He said it should be done by the 20th or he wouldnt be surprised if they called it quits around the 20th. I dont know - that was a weird convo. He also kissed me - peck...on the lips. It was like he could resist. I remember thinkin "this is why we cant be together alone, or friends" - there is something more there, and it will continue to show itself. The second dream - I think we were at a work function. He was wearing a cream suit with a vest...and he looked SO handsome! He came up to me and told me that he wanted to leave early so he could ball - it was Wednesday. I thought it was strange of him to ask me, cuz he just needed to let his direct supervisor know. I figured he just wanted to talk to me. :) Well, I kept it short and on work and walked away....and shouted, you look nice/good by the way" - but Im not sure if he heard me. I mean, he really looked great. I felt antsy around him.

So what does all this mean?? Who knows! lol Of course, I see his car EVERYWHERE...but then again, it is a popular car - i guess. I had bet that my co-workers relationship would end within 6 months - I was right. I had bet that ARnie's relationship lasts 1 year - we will see. He has a web page - but honestly, since theyve been together, I dont see much activity on there anymore. I dont get to see whats going on.

On a bad note, he is really nasty/sloppy. Thats pretty gross. Im still trying to make him unappealing, hoping that I will let it go and move on. I actually have moved on I would say, but there is no 1 guy in my life right now. The other guy Im feeling just dumped his girl and she still lives with him - hmm.

I had a little fling with this one guy - but he already has a girlfriend. I knew it when we had the little fling, but I guess I just didnt care. Not sure if it will happen again. Hopefully not. I know its not right. I wouldnt want that to happen to me.

Well, thats all for now. Things are looking up in a sense, so hopefully I will have some great news soon - lol - probably not, but it was nice to say it. hehe

Brighter Dayz Ahead

Hey! Its Monday morning, and I am feeling better about life in general. I got a little hair change - and o what confidence has it brought me! I feel like I felt back in Miami. Waking up every morning thinking - I am so beautiful! I walk around know this - loving me. Yea, they say hair shouldnt change you...but I've done me. I am happier this way. Perhaps its because of what I went through. Perhaps. In any case, I am ok with liking this new look. Everything happens for a reason right? Well, I needed this confidence, and thats why it happened as it did. I'll prolly go back to that old cut again, but not right now. As for Arnie, Im cool with it. I still think he and I would make a great pair - maybe in the future. When he's ready for me. Jerrell - well, I told him what it was: I am deleting your number....thought it was all good - but your acting shady - no hard feelins - just being upfront. He never answered. Its over. Hes going to see me one day in the club - looking O SOOO Fly! lol and he'll want me...but itll be too late! Too bad...for him. Im a greeat chick! Well, I am about to go to work and see what everyone in going to say bout this new look. I think they will like it. Of course there will be the jokes - but I dont care. In the end, its about me, and only me. I am excited about the future....for now lol - who knows what will bring me down again- hopefully the next news I have is good news though. My past entries have been so dreary. Well, wish me luck!