I'm Free (poem)

I'm Free
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
I'm following the path God laid for me.
I took His hand when I heard him call;
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way;
I found that place at the close of day.
If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared a laugh, a kiss;
Ah yes, these things, I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much;
Good friends, good times, a loved ones touch.
Perhaps my time seems all to brief;
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me,
God wanted me now, He set me free.
~© Linda Jo Jackson~

Wow. This poem makes me extremely emotional...as if someone close to me has really passed on. I would want this read at my funeral. This is how I would feel. I'm free! Don't grieve for me! I'm happy now! FREE!! Not enslaved here in this world full of sin.

Anyway, I went to Bible study - we talked about tithes. Tristan was there and I ignored him. We have practice tomorrow...I decided not to go. Why? Well, honestly, I don't like how he treated me. I sent him an email saying Get Well. He didnt respond. I sent him several texts that he has not responded to. When we spoke on the phone he only talked about himself and asked nothing about me. That's not cool. I don't like that. At practice I would feel odd and I don't want to put myself in a situation where I would not be cordial to everyone. He sent an email out asking who would be there. I did not answer. He says he is too busy to befriend me. Well, I am too busy to do football. The game Sat.? I have not decided about that yet. There is a block party going on the same day that I was thinking about going to. I may do that instead. I think that would be better for me...I could fellowship with folks, get to know others. I'll prolly go to D's game next week I think. I wish he didnt play for the same team as his brother...oh well.

Well, I dont know if I am reacting in a bad way. What would Jesus do? I think he would go. If he commits to something he would finish it. By not going, I am doing so for selfish reasons and God is not selfish. Its not about me...its about ministering through it. Its not about Tristan.

I got you Lord.

I guess I got my answer.

Stayin Busy!

So I ended my program on Friday and boy am I thrilled. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I can finally breathe. I've been trying to help the Camp Director to get summer camp up and running. I realize that if it were me, I would want someone to be on my side helping me. She lost a team member (as did I) and her other help is half on board and half sulking in her own sorrows. The other help is pretty good but is limited in the amount of time she can devote....so I have stepped in.
Aside from that, I thrilled about how I have improved in my personal life. Less cursing...trying to be joyful and positive. It feels a little weird at times. I have had to bite my tongue on several occassions and I defintiley am still far from perfect, but it feels good to be trying to do what is right in God's eyes. it feels really good. I am just going to continue to do what I do and work hard. I want to do what is God's will. I see more clearly now.
As for men, I haven't met anyone. I gave this one guy my number, but heard that he was a 'ho' so thats the end of that. I keep limited convos with Kevin... and tristan still does not give me the time of day lol. That is ok. I deleted Arnie and Tristans name from my facebook account. They are not longer my friends. Arnie I feel soooo good about...Tristan...I never really got to know him, so it doesnt feel too bad. I have stayed in contact with his brother. He is really nice. I wish he were older! He is way to young for me.
Well, that is pretty much it. Continue to keep my in your prayers. I have a busy week this week even though I am no longer working as hard! Crazy. Funny how I am busy, but I can still find time for people. hint hint. I have an appt with my modeling agency, a dentist appt., football practice for a scrimmage...camp, car issues to resolve, passport issues to resolve, scrimmage this sat., opportunity for volunteering on Sat...and I think I have a movie thing on Friday... o! and of course, Bible Study.
Again, just pray for me! Lookin forward to what God has in store for me!

Soooo what now?

Well, things are going pretty well right now. I finally got rid of some dead weight at work. The end of the school year is tomorrow and I cannot wait! I will be going in early and leaving early so I can go ahead and get some rest.

As for the man situation...still nothing lol. I am trying to stay faithful. It's ok. Tristan as you can see...didnt work out. He has not answered any of my texts since we spoke. I've sent probably 3. He has not called either. I saw him at church..but I ignored him. We are suppose to have some kind of gathering for them. I honestly don't want to go because I feel slated. I should have never approached him. I should have left it alone. Well, I don't want to be rude, so I will probably go, but not talk to him at all. Only because I feel like an idiot for ever saying that I wanted to chill. I did that and got NOTHING!! lol. I should laugh at myself. How would someone else approach that? I need a guys opinion...and Natalie...

Allright, well, that is it. I am looking forward to this summer. I will be just getting ready for the new year and chilling. Hopefully I wont have too much extra stuff to do (i.e.summer camp).

Continue to pray for me and my walk with Christ. I want to do His will. I realize that I do NOT know what Jesus would do...which means I need a better relationship. I need to get to know Him more. I need to join...I need to get connected with a small group...I need to be active! I am on the way. Keep praying for me :)

Thank you Lord...

Coming out of Bible study today, I started thinking about Tristan...and whether he was the one for me. I thought about what he seems to offer...I was talking out loud. As I spoke, I got a nervous scare - I felt myself re-stating some of the things I heard would be a part of the ONE. Its crazy. I'm scared. I don't want to mess it up. Then I think, God only wants the best for me. As long as as do what he wants me to do, stay in the right path..love Him..He will send Him to me. He will make it happen regardless. With that, I am excited. Thank you for loving me. I can't believe you would do that for me. I have done so much wrong. But you love me enough to forgive me and keep helping me...keep holding my hand, keep blessing me despite the let downs. Thank you. I will keep trying to be the person you want me to be. Thank you for never giving up. Thank you for putting Tristan in my life. Thank you for the HOPE that he represents. Thank you. It's funny how people have NO CLUE what they mean in your life. Its amazing how you work. Thank you Lord. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you Lord...I thank you, and I love you...thank you thank you thank you thank you I love you