My Husbands at Church

Well, its Sunday. I went to service at 8 instead of 10. It was nice.
Things with Jamal are going downhill fast. I don't like him at all anymore. I want to be acquatainces, but I can see that he is still into me. The young guy at work stood me up, so Im done with that. He said he was going to call me over the weekend to do something and never did. I am too mature to play those high school games.
As for Arnie, things have not really been repaired per se, but I still do think about him at times. I dont think Im going back in that direction or anything He has already shown me the immaturity that I am trying to get away from.
I think I need to service more often. I just finished watching Fabric of a Man...and it opened my eyes. I realize or recall that if I want to find a Godly man, I need to go to where he would be- the church.This wednesday is bible study, and I intend on attending. I remember a while ago when I talked to a psychic about my husband. He said I would meet him in a place where there are a lot of people...listening and learning something. He said something about singing and or dancing too. I realized today that it must be the church. Thats the only place where you would find both dancing and listening/learning. I met one guy online, but after checking out his pics, I am not interested. He is attractive, but not my type.
I want a tall, dark skinned, handsome, athletic brother. I want him to be educated. I want him to have ambition and aspire to be great. I want him to love me for me. I want him to want to do things for me and be there for me. I want him to be the person I confide in when things get rough.
I feel like everyone I meet, I get tired of quickly. No one can keep my interest. I want to say that I am picky...but its more like, Im looking for the ONE. I am exctied about the church that I now attend. There are a lot of good looking brothers in there. Im not perfect, butI want a guy who is currently working on his spirituality so we can talk and push/pull each other to where we know we need to be. I am excited to me that guy. I want to start as friends first because anything else is a recipe for disaster. I want to really believe that he is in the church. THAT church. I have been wanting to belong more. Be more engrossed in what they do...but I havent taken that first step of membership. I need to take that leap. Then there is the leap of joining a small group - perhaps specifically a single small group. One with a very handsome gentlemen who is 5'10 inches tall, brown skinned, very well groomed, working on his spirituality and involved in law. Where are you? lol
My beautiful knight in shining armor. I cannot wait to love him!
I need to stop cursing.
I go to work with the thought that God is my supervisor. I think things get done better when you submit to the HIGHest power. I want to continue with that mind frame...keep doing his work. Pray 4 me.

Boy Toy LiL K

Well well well. Not too mch going on here. It snowed today and couple days ago. Its the first time in several years, so its kinda historic. Anyway, let me go ahead and jump right into the man situation. I'm not feeling Jamaal anymore. Last weekend he stayed over again - he had a blow pop - original. I toke it. He got upset. He took it back. I thought it was not only thoughtless of him, but greedy. After everything I have done for him, he takes that away from me. I have never asked him for anything. I dont want to be involved with someone who is not as giving as me. He knows that I have not been acting the same in recent days. I am pulling away slowly. It was nice while it lasted, but I am looking forward to moving on. As for Arnie - he is starting to really repulse me with his arrogance. Had a discrepancy with him the other day and he insists that he is right and I am in the wrong. Idiot. So whats new?? We will call him Lil K.

Lil K is simply addorable, but yet again, I always like them young. He swears he is mature, but I told him that was for me to find out. I am pretty sure this is not going to work for several reasons. For one, he did not go to college. Perhaps as a result, he is still finding his way in the job market. He does not have a career. He works 3 different jobs. On the up side, he is very attractive - tall, slim, nice eyes. He is tatted up which is sexy, but for the business world - not too smart. He compliments me a lot - thats how I fell for him really. He is 5 years younger then me!!

We are suppose to go out to a movie this weekend. I told him to call me about it. He had asked me out before and I didnt go to the meeting spot (300 bowling alley)- he was upset about it which I thought was cute. Anyway, like I said, he is suppose to call me this weekend about going out, but I have not heard from him yet. I know tonight is not a good nite to go out with the snow and all, so I can assume thats why he didnt call. Its suppose to get better tomorrow afternoon. Since Monday is a holiday, well, he will have no excuse. If I dont hear from him this weekend though, hmm, I'll get him good when I do see him. To get back into my good graces, he will have to come hard. For real. Cuz that would be him showing his childish/immature side.

Well, I would not and could not take him seriously anyway. Like I said, he is 22, with no career. He will just be a boy toy. Since I have nothing at the moment, might as well!!

Love Live Life

So its Monday, and I have had a LONG day! and weekend to tell the truth. I spent the whole weekend taking care of Jamaal. He cant walk. Although Im glad I got to spend time with someone other then the girls..and myself...it felt good when he left. He was here from Friday evening to this morning! He was pretty much confined to his bed - I had to cook, and bring him beverages all weekend. Im glad its over!! Spending that much time with him made me realize that he's not the one for me. I like him...and he is cool people, but I dont see a future. All I see is a friendship. I was trying to think of why - I think itz physical. He's cute, but he's not my type phyiscally. There is just something about his personality that is lacking for me too...a....spontanaeity I guess. The young cat is still flirting HARD! lol He is adorably cute...and I like the fact that he is really trying. BUT...there is no future there either. WHY ? Well, he is young...which really isnt that much of a issue...but he came out of high school and is doing...nothing. No type of college. That leads me to believe that he has no ambition. What does he want to do with his life? I am NOT a sugar momma. Plus, we work together. You know how those go. Not everyone can handle that. I definitely see him as a boy toy. Definitely that. I can see us having fun in that sense...but I can also see him growing attached to me as an older woman. I dont want to hurt the little guys heart lol. I would love to go out and have fun with him though - hit the club...dance...grind...you know ;)

As for the other cat - Arnie - u know I take it day by day. Still think about it. Like - is that the one that got away?? But then again, it makes me incredibly thrilled to think that there is someone out there better for me! It makes me soo hopeful and excited for what God has in store for me! He was awesome. Desite all the negative things I said about him...he was a good guy and I truley liked him. Truley. Jamaal is cool too...He actually likes me back - I just dont like him as much as he likes me. So I was close to getting it! I liked ARnie a lot, but Arnie choose someone else over me. Jamaal likes me a lot, but I dont like him as much - I would choose someone over him. See how life is! So next go around...Im hoping its a perfect match!!
For the meantime - I am going to be a positive force! Being an honest, loving, caring individual...despite what others do or say to me. Im going to do unto as I would want done unto me.
I want to keep smiling
I want to keep laughing
I want to keep loving
I want to live life
I live fearless
I love life
Thank you God!!!

SCA

Happy New Year! It is 2008 . . .and I truley believe this is my year to shine. The numbers are in my favor. As for the man in my life...things are going well. He definitely keeps me busy. He has sickle cell and is going through some issues right now. Honestly, I dont see us being long term, but for now its all good. I think he is here for 2 reasons: 1. to keep me busy and 2. for his own health. Ive been looking out for him while he goes through this health issue. I like him, but I dont like him enough to make him my man. I wish I did. Maybe my feelings will change later on, but for right now, I its definitely not long term. Why? I really dont have a reason. He is tall, he is cute, his is intelligent, has ambition...is spiritual...he has everything I need and want, but he is just not for me. I am not mad at that, but I am definitely hopeful looking into the future. I feel like he is a time saver until the right man does come along.
As for the right man....I havent met anyone recently. This guy at work is flirting with me pretty hard, but 1. i work with him and 2. he is 5 years younger then me! wow! lol
As for my old crush...yup, its still there unfortunately, but its not deep - 30%
I wish him the best despite our journey.

I cant help but feel a disconnect. I was meshing so well with the people at work...but I feel like they keep me out- and I understand and know why. I dont blame them. Its in my best interest to keep from them anyway. We are all at different levels. Well, it is what it is! I will let you know how things progress! Until next time :) Continue to pray for me.