A few extra pounds looks good now

I just asked myself "Wsup with Vince" and for a split second, I thought, "Who?" Exactly! I am starting to recover...or perhaps I have already done so. I dont think about him...I dont think about "us". I dont miss anthing, because I wasn t getting anything from him! Although I am not thrilled about being by myself, I am happy to be alone and able to do me. I can flirt and think about other men...I can go out on dates...did I mention I can flirt? Well, I have always been a flirt, but now I can cross the line! lol

Aside from that, I talked to my long lost friend Kevin again. We talk like we were together. I think thats why I like him. He is easy to talk to. Like a best male friend. I can EASILY see him being just that. I can see him staying in my life forever. I am happy to have reunited with him. He does have a girl though, so I have to know my boundaries, and I do. As for him - thats another story. He is a huge flirt, so I expect it, but at the same time, I wish he were more respectful of his girl. I feel like, if I was his main squeeze, he definitely would do the same thing to me. Same thing as in talking dirty to someone who is NOT your significant other. He has a really strong personality - as do I. But I rarely meet someone who can match me like he does. We go toe to toe, and although I dont like to admit it - he often wins the battle. He's a man. All man and I love it. The only thing he is missing is some weight lol. Its weird. Vince helped me move past looks. A few extra pounds doesnt bother me anymore. Rafael also helped me with that. He is sooo sexy...I just love him! He too has a significant other! Damn it. I dont know...all the good ones are taken. And I see why!

Well, all I can do is chill and wait on mine - right? Right.

Well, keep praying for me!

I am Highly Favored.

So, I was or am having a hard time sleeping. When I asked myself why, I started to give myself a sob story. I dont like my job and I want a new one....and I am still single. And, I wish I could save more money or had more of it, and I wish I had better stuff, etc. I just applied for a position in West Palm as a Rec Center Supervisor. The job is me. Definitely! But, I am also worried that I may not get that interview. Again. Like so many other jobs I thought were me. So, I was down about that too...but still thinking of some other way to send another resume or get noticed. Thinking about what I did wrong on my online application. I am slightly hopefuly, but then I think about the drama of moving. Would I move back in with my parents and save money? Or find my own place? How would my old job deal? Well, I realize my blessing. And for someone looking in on my life, they probably would think that I have lost my mind! Why?

Well for starters, I am a good looking chick. When I was in Florida, I got too much play. So much so that I could legally drive with illegal tints just to stop the stalkers. I was a model...tall slim, pretty...nice features...great dresser..confident - at least on the outside. I have 4...yes 4 guys who adore me and if given the chance would definitely wife me up. They are good looking, great aspirations...definitely going somewhere. Am I happy? No lol...I sit here and think about how I want Vincent and dont feel like I have him. I should not feel that way. I should be blessed, because there are wwaaayyy too many women out there with no prospects at all. Me, I have 4! As for Vince...I just have to wait like I did with the others. At one point, I was interested in all of them, but now, I have let them go and now they wont stop chasing me! Vince will be the same. He will realize what he is missing or what he is losing. He will be back. They always come back. Let go and let God when it comes to love. He only has and only wants the best for me. He knows what I want, but more important, he knows what I need. I have to let Him work it out. My faith needs to shine through. Stop chasing them. Do you naturally. Just do you.

As for the job...come on! How many people out there dont have one!! You are one of the youngest directors with one of the larger sites...not to mention, you do a darn good job! I get praise from where it matters and I get the satisfaction of knowing that I am getting a job done. Thats good enough. I wish that I could compare programs and see how I am doing, but thats not always possible. Today however, I was given that chance! A ex worker came back from working at another location, and boy did she have some stuff to say about them! She definitely appreciated what she had with us and wanted to come back. I took her back.

What else? Well, life in general...I have a roof over my head in a nice gated community. I live not even 5 miles from a church that I love...and get fed there (spiritually) every time I go. I have a relatively new car in great condition, no serious health issues, clothes on my back, money in the bank...NOT living check to check like many! Not pregnant with kids...none of that. I even have a decent roommate. There is really nothing that I can complain about. IF I do, its just me being ungrateful.

So STOP the whining. STOP complaining....and STOP thinking about what you do not have and focus on all the great things God has provided for you. I am soo blessed it is ridiculus. I am definitely highly favored. I have been chosen. So what do I do now? Focus on God and what He has for me. Keep him as my primary work...primary motivation...primary source. Focus. Everyday. The rest is sure to follow. That is His promise to me. And God does NOT break promises.

Omnipresent, Ominscent, Omnipotent God, I thank you for this day, the good and the bad...I thank you for blessing me in every single area of my life. I pray that you will help me to stay focused on you on an everyday basis whether in the good or in the bad. Allow me to see your work through me and to live each day keeping in mind that your work is my first job on this earth. I thank you that you have brought me to this point in my life where I can see my faults in action and in thought and I can re-set them towards you. I thank you for my church and the wonderful people that work to bring your word to life for me and all that attend. Continue to keep me Lord. Continue to do what you do for me and all those around me. Thank you for your undying love for me despite my wickedness...and I thank you for the small victories. Its amazing Lord what you have done...and to ponder on your grace would only bring me both sadness and joy. Joy in the new life we have in you and in the salvation that you have brought to us through your son Jesus Christ...and Sadness in the fact that so many people do not know who you are, chose to turn away from you or claim to love you but do not show it. I pray for all that they may come to see you for who you are. Lord, you only want to love us. Show others this through me. Bring people to you through me. I will try Lord...try to do your will...day by day. I pray that I can hold fast to your word. With your help Lord I know it can happen. I know it will not be easy and I know that we will endure pain, suffering, hardships and the like. We are not immune from this...I know. I am understanding of that, and I know that through each storm Lord, there is Always a rainbow at the end...always hope...Thank you Lord...THank you Jesus...Thank you for choosing me. I love you.

He has nothing to say...

Hey!

I havent written in a while, so I decided to. Things have been ok. As for work...I got permission to demote someone that has really been a thorn in my side. I hope to get that done on Monday. She will have the rest of the week to close things up. Aside from that, things with Babes are going well. He came by yesterday before work to watch Iron Man with me. It really wasnt enough time. We ended up fooling around and I made him late for work lol. I still like him :), but I think he needs to work on having better conversations. On the phone, I feel nervous cuz I am trying to make sure I have something to talk about. He never really starts a convo....its kinda the same when we are out. We talk about randomness...but then again, the silentness is not as bad. Sometime I wonder...why do u call me with nothing to say?? I def need to mention that to him. I got him on the 'i will call you back' comments. So anyway, Im not sure if we...well, I dont want to say all that. I like him. But I dont like that part of him. I want to know him more, but I cant if he doesnt talk more about whats going on ...even if it is minimal. Maybe he thinks I dont want to hear about the simple things? I don know.
We will see. Aside from that, I went to the eye doctor - I may have glaucoma. We will see.

Faith

Well, I cant really remember what I last wrote, but I dont remember being too happy with my man situation. It has gotten better. I think what I am lacking is faith. I have to have faith that God has my back. I know its hard, but thats a MUST! I see his hand working. I am thrilled at having Babes as a friend. He is awesome. If something develops-great. If not, he is definitely someone that I can keep in my circle. I see Gods progression and it is amazing. Its funny how I keep saying 'it cant get better'...but everytime, he blows me away. EVERYtime. . .hands down. So just by that alone, I should be excited about the future and not worried. We will end at that.

Praise and Glory be to you Lord....

I am feeling pretty emotional right now. I finished the book of Johm and started on the book of Acts. Jesus is soo amazing. I cry...but its not a cry of sadness. I cry because I am greatful. I cry because - because I am thankful. I cry because He is so merciful and I am not worthy. I cry because we dont deserve His love. We have put Him through so much. We are horrible people...but he Loves us still...he still cares. Thank you Lord for saving me. Thank you for the second, third, millionth chance. There were so many times you were there...but I didnt see you. I did not want to see you. I wanted to do my own thing. But Lord, I have found you...and I am ready and willing. And I want you to be with me every step of the way. I am thankful. Thank you Lord. Please walk with me Lord. NBless me although I am not worthy. Thank you. Save my friends. Help them to see your wonders through me...through anything Lord...just help them like you have helped me. Life is still hard, but Life is better with you by my side...everyday.
Lord, I researched the gift of the Holy Spirit - the gift of tongues. Lord I believe I have the Holy Spirit - otherwise...where would I be?? But Lord, I ask for the gift of tongues. I am scared Lord. Very scared to be that close to you. I am terrified. Because of the guilt. But I will continue to pray Lord. I know I will have it. I probably do have it...I just need to get it out of me. Thank you Lord, for what you have already done for me...and what you will cotinue to do for me. I love you. I thank you. Thank you Lord. I love you thank you thank you thank you Lord. thank you

Nothing going on...

Well, it has been an interesting week. In got my little date with Babes as I now affectionately call him. It was tight. Looking forward to more :) Um, we talk more. He calls me and we talk about nothingness. He keeps surprising me. I want to call him tonight...and I probably will. I dont have as much apprehension as I usually do - the kind that I had with Tristan. I dont have much to talk about...um, I want to go back to school. Get a Masters in Health Administration at Georgia State. I looked up the class and it looks very interesting. I need to take the GMAT first. That is definitely in my future. At the end is a residency...not a paper! woohoo! lol. That is what kept me back from getting that other degree. Well that is it. I am thankful to God for all that he is doing in my life. Continue to set me up to do what is good and pleasing in your will. I am not sure of what is what, but I know that I am good in His arms. I know that I am in the right. I love God. I love Him. He is my light...my guide...my one...and I love him. I get teary eyed when I think about it :)

Thank you Jesus!! Thank you for everything!! I love you :)!!

Waiting on His Will

Well, I decided to write because it seems like I always write when something is going wrong. Although there is nothing wrong with that, I still should write when things are well. As for my work life...we have gone into a little slump. We are at a 4/5 million dollar deficit so there are many many cutbacks. Thankfully I am not one of them! The economy is not doing well, but God can override all of that, so I dont have worries. Nonetheless, I am getting bored with my job and I am ready for something new. I have been looking, but I need Word on my computer to really put out my resume.
As for my love life, nothing. I am definitely not mad at that though. I realize that I am pushing and wanting too much. I need to relax and let God. I have said it soo many times, but never really done it. I dont want to mess up potential in Nehe...so I read different segments in the Bible and read online about the will of God, patience, and such when it comes to finding the right one. I bookmarked it for future reference. I had to then go apologize to Nehe for a comment I made: "If I want you, as long as there is hope I will keep trying to get you". If it was not that it was really close to that. So anyway, I DO have hope in maybe God giving him (Nehe) to me as a potential spouse. All I can do now if further our relationship as friends and see what it ends up as. I will keep praying about it. I know He has a special man for me. After all I have been through..I KNOW He has someone very special for me. No doubt. So when I find someone that has Godly characteristics, I try to cling to them. Tristan is a good example. He was trying or is trying to be Christlike, and I am happy for him...but his defaults were not good for me at that time. I could see myself sinning with him. It was not right. With Nehe...things are different. He kind of scares me. I see him as a true man. I respect him. I listen...although he is NOT perfect. I am honest with him. He is nice to me. He is a Jesus freak :) I love that.
I see how he could possibly bring out the best in me...but I dont see how I could bring out the best in him. For once in my life...He is doing better then me...or his path has been better then mine. I know that God has given us all different paths, and none is better then the other. Kind of like our gifts...none is better...they are just different. I have to remember that. He is not better then me. We are equally loved by God.
Well God, I would love to have him as a potential husband, BUT I know you have the best in mind for me. So if its not him, its ALL good! I await your truth to unfold and continue to bless me. Thank you for what you have done for me , what you are doing for me and what you will do for me. Help me to be a blessing to others. I love you :)