Ive been in a pretty reflective mood all day. Last night I was upset at the whole Tristan thing. Not that he has personally done anything to me...but that there is nothing going on. The texts have stopped and he stopped calling me. I was so sure I was not going to go to the workout today, but I had to ask myself..who am I hurting? Yes, it will bring short term satisfaction, but am I really doing anything to him? to me? Is that helping the situation at all?
Anyway, I wore something that was not enticing to make sure I did not impede his spiritual walk. I got there early so that I could run on the track. I did...it felt really good to have the music in my ear and my running to the beat. I felt it more. I had some issues when it came to the workout though. I got dizzy and had to sit for a minute. I didnt eat anything before I got there which was the mistake. He said a few words to me...nothing outside of being his normal nice self. Once the workout was over he reminded me and the other ladies to take in some protein. I was the first to pack up and leave. There was no reason to sit around and chat. His ex was not there this time. That was a relief for me.
Once home, I felt kind of restless. Mostly because my thoughts were on Tristan. I want him to call me. I want him to text me. I want him to be interested. I want to build something. I feel like I am getting dumped. I feel myself not believing anything he told me in that long text talk we had on Tuesday. How can you be attracted to someone, but not want to spend any time with them? not call? or anything? After my dizzy spell today, I would have thought he would call just to check up on me. He didnt. Which brings me to that question that I always seem to ask when it comes to guys: Does he care? Apparently not that much.
I turned to God for answers and spent some time in Bible Study. It was great. During that time, I felt good. I found some verses for Tristan as well, so I sent him a text with all the info...told him they were powerful and helpful verses for me during my bible study, and that I hope they are useful to him as well. No respnse.
He has stopped responding regularly.
I think it is that time. I have to really let go. He is not what I thought he was. I am expecting too much..-or rather, he cant handle my expectations - he is not the one for me. Am I being pre-mature? or just truthful? He knows I like him...but this is how he chooses to treat my feelings.
Ok. I must stipulate some rules that I am to follow.
Rule 1 - Do NOT text him anymore. Only text him BACK. Do not initiate.
Rule 2 - Do NOT call him. I wasnt anyway, so that wont be difficult.
Rule 3 - Be cordial and friendly. Do NOT go the extra mile for anything. Let him.
Those are the rules. I would really like to delete the #, but that is childish. I wont.
Does being honest hurt you in the long run? Is that where I went wrong?
Regardless, I am thankful. I found out somethings about myself that I did not like. He ...like Arnie, have started a change in me that is for the better. He has helped me raise my own standards. I must let God. If that is what I am to get from him...I got it...its time to move on.
In the next man I meet...hopefully he will be the right one. I want all those qualities that Tristan has, pluswhat he does NOT have: a caring nature towards me...an effort to get to know me and be a friend...and an appreciation for the person I am. All that and more :)
Pray for me
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