So my lil buddy from the N.O. comes into town...I was suppose to chill with him Saturday night, but he was around Arnie, so I decided not to go. Of course, the next day when we did hang out, he asked what happened b/w me and Arnie and I told him some of the story...the chicken incident, and the fact that he told me we couldnt be friends. He went back and asked me why we had beef and I guess Arnie didnt like that. He then wrote me an email:
Written by Arnie:
Question...so when have I ever told you that we could not be friends because I have a girlfriend? How have I ever implied that we could not be friends because I have a girlfriend? I have never told you nor insinuatied that we could not be friends. That is in your own mind. My bro asked me why am I beefing with you and i told him YOU were beefing with me because I have no problem with you. When I squashed it...I squashed it. Obviously you still have some type of problem and really thats on you. Whenever you decide to deal with it, please let me know because you're letting too much affect your economy. There's too much going on in life and im too old to have silly beef. So for the record, I AM NOT BEEFING WITH YOU. If a professional relationship is all you want...cool. Just make me aware, I am fine with either decision.
Written in response:
1. Friendship - The last time we spoke (after the chickn incident)- you said that we could not be friends b/c u needed to focus on your relationship w/crystal...and that if we stayed friends, u felt that we may end up back where we were - which would undermind ur new relationship. U also stated that perhaps in the future we couold go back to being friends. Right before I got up to let you out, I stated that I did not agree with you...but there was nothing I could do since u had already made up ur mind.Whether u remember that or not, u did say that to me, because thats the ONE comment that stung me the most. It was not 'in my mind'. It took me a couple MONTHS to understand why you would throw away a friendship. Although I finally understand, I still disagree.2.Beef - I dont have beef with you. I am just reacting to your decision and trying to respect your decision by trying to stay away from you. As I stated earlier, I dont agree with your decision, so its hard to be around you, or look at you, or talk to you. Not because I dont like you, but because Im still tryin to deal with it. I dont think you are neccessarily beefing with me, but I do think you treat me 'differently' - and I assume its because we arent friends.I really dont know what else to tell you - I'm not mad...I'm just still sad.Does it bother me?...still....months later - it defintiley does. Im still struggling with it...still trying to get over everything DESPITE having been in several relationships and having gained many friendships. I've told you before that I value 'true' friendships. I thought I had that with you, so when it got taken away...I cannot begin to make u understand how that felt.As stated though, for the record, you did tell me we couldnt be friends.Anything that I have done or currently do is a function of me trying to respect your decision.
Written by Arnie:
For my unclarity, i apologize. I see it has caused you months of hurt. I never meant that we could not still be friends. Well let me re-etch what I meant by that conversation that night. Because I have a girlfriend, we could not be close friends for the respect of my relationship. I am not the type of person to cut a friendship completely off unless its unhealthy. I don't have enemies. I am well liked, that is just my nature. So for me to defriend you is not what I meant. If you needed time to reposition priorities or mindsets is kinda what I was shooting for. Again, I have no problem with you and didn't understand why you were "acting out" but now I sort of have a clue. I definitely believe we can have a friendship and really don't see why not. Of course, I don't really communicate often with any female in respect for Crystal, but that goes without saying.
So, I have not written back - I dont really know what to say. He is basically apologizing and saying we can be friends. I dont understand the 'acting out' part, so I asked for clarification. Aside from that, he asked 'You have no response?' .. I told him that I'm letting it sit in my head for a minute. Writing/typing is permanent so i want to write wisely. I told him I will repond.
Last night I had a dream...we were on some sort of bed really close again...face to face...Im sure we were kissing. Really romantic scene. Cuddled up, cozy in each others arms, talking low, kissing. We heard someone coming towards the door...we both new it was his girl, but we waited til the last minute to get up. I ran to the kitched like area trying to hide and couldnt find a closet, so I ended up just acting as normal as possible. I walked back to the area where we were, I went back and started packing my things in a bag. I had i guess his button down shirt on. I think it was a light lime green. He was in the kitchen acting like he was cooking something. I said hey to her when she walked in...she was shorter then me, light skinned...but her hair was shorter then what I thought it should be. She also looked thinner.
I dont really know what to write back...I feel like...it is what it is. I dont see how we can be friends. He already said that he cant communicate much with females out of respect for his girl...so whats the point of being friends. Lets say they end up getting married...I dont know. I dont see the point in being friends. I understand we cant be close. Thats a given. I'll pray on it. Thats what I will do.
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