I dont want ur friendship

I sent this email back to Arnie that basically states that he needs to really think about what a frienship entails...this is what it states:
i know the actual definition...I was looking more for specific examples...My purpose in asking was just to make sure you did not believe any work issues came as a result of me 'acting out'...I am very confused. Part of a friendship is communication. If you don't "communicate often with any female in respect for Crystal"...would we really have a friendship? Example - Ash - Ash has a girlfriend, yet we still hang out and talk on the phone. I consider Ash a good friend. I have his back, he has mine. Although Im attracted to Ash, I don't jump his bones, or step over those bounderies. I respect his relationship and he respects mine. We communicate often, we have a friendship.I can understand not having close female friends...but I think in true relationships, both parties should be able to maintain friendships with the opposite sex without making drastic changes in communication. In healthy relationships, there is no need for big 'cut backs'. I am in no way implying anything about your relationship, just giving facts by way of experience.As stated before, I take friendships pretty seriously. Friends are people that you can truly rely on, people who will be honest with you regardless...people that have your best interest at heart. They push you to be your best and you learn/grow as a result of being their friend.With that said...I KNOW I am that kind of friend and more-and at one point, I was that kind of friend to you....but do u really think you could be that kind of friend to me? have you ever been that kind of a friend to me? do you really honestly care to be a friend to me at all? what do you stand to gain/lose?I don't mean to bog you down with all these questions, but I don't (and I'm sure you don't) want to revisit this again. I don't want you to make a decision and then months down the line have to apologize for not being a friend. Think about my definition of friendship (w/communication), think about your own definition of friendship, think about our friendship before Crystal, think about what YOU want/need, think about your friendships, think about Crystal...then respond with what your truth is...


Well, that was sent a few days ago and he has yet to respond. He is thinking. That is good. I want him to think. But I have thought about it myself and this is what I have come up with: I do not want to be his friend. He has not been a friend to me as of late....nor was he a very good friend to me. I have suffered more hurts then joys and with his new found relationship, no time could be devoted to restoring that. In other words, we cant have a friendship now...perhaps later in life if things ever work out that way. I think if we had a great friendship before...if it was better established...had a stronger foundation...we would be able to make up and move on. The foundation was brand new, then became unsteady with his lack of communication. Although he has apologized for not being upfront or being clear back then and now...the foundation would have to be rebuilt. Start fresh. Obviously he has no time for that...and neither do I. With that I have closure. I wish him and Crystal much prayer and luck - them seem like a great loving couple...I hope it can stand the test of time and they are both happy. Make sure its grounded in biblical principals. Hopefully from 'us' he has learned that although he tries to NOT hurt people...he still does. Communication and honesty is key. I dont feel he was honest and or communicated with me well.

I have really thrown myself into the modeling. I had a casting call on Tuesday for a dating show..then a casting call for Spring Fling today..tomorrow I have another Fashion show thing in Duluth... that, plus work, plus flag football, greek stuff, friends, plus men - really keeping me busy!!! I have had so little time for myself. I should be greatful! I am, but Im just going to continue to keep my head up dispite rejections and keep God constant...thats the only way Im going to make it through! Keep praying for me :)