Dear Arnie

Wow, it has been some time since we have had a conversation. October. I miss that, but I understand why things cant be where I want them to be. I didnt understand then...but being in certain circumstances and experiencing these different relationships...I definitely understand and respect your decision. I spent so much time being upset...sad. I thought it was not fair. I thought you were being selfish. I see the bigger picture now. Although it still saddens me, I can respect it and continue to follow your wishes.

I am mad at myself for still being emotional about something that happened months ago. It may have meant nothing to you. Maybe I was just another chick...or a fling. But for me, it was more then that. I go through guys so quickly...its weird that 1 person could have such an effect. You were/are definitely one of a kind. "C" is so lucky! You guys seem so happy together. I wish that the best. I will continue to pray for the two of you.

I hate that I still feel for you. Its hard to see you...or speak. I feel like I am being rude. I dont want to be that way...but Im trying to find that area between before and what it should be...and its hard. I want to speak...and be cordial, but I dont want to remember the past and want to go back. I am continuously working on that. One day...as youve said - maybe we will be able to be friends.

Know that I do not mean to be rude or mean. I just dont know how to deal yet-without all the emotion. Im not there yet.

I wish you were mine. Although you belong to another, I am still hopeful. For if God could sent such a person for "C"...I know that mine can only be as great or better.

J